


Humans Are Complicating

by crowleyhasfeels



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fallen Angels, First Time, Heartache, Human Castiel, M/M, Oral Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-29
Updated: 2016-12-12
Packaged: 2018-09-03 02:42:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8693233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crowleyhasfeels/pseuds/crowleyhasfeels
Summary: Castiel has been punished for loving humans too much but having his grace stripped away from him. He is now living as human, doing humans things and feeling human emotions. Unfortunately, for Castiel, these emotions are not all as great as he would like them to be and one human has him wondering why he ever loved humans at all.





	1. Castiel Was An Angel's Name

            “I am going to have to leave know,” Gabriel frowned at Castiel, not wanting to leave him behind. It was Gabriel’s job to make sure that Castiel got settled on earth. I was hard losing one’s grace and there was an adjustment period. Gabriel made sure that Castiel had an apartment, that was paid for, for as long as Castiel wanted to be there and that it was furnished with everything that he would need. Then once he had Castiel settled, it was time to leave. They were not allowed to be in contact again. “Good luck.”

            “Yeah,” Castiel whispered to himself as Gabriel disappeared. “Luck.”

            For weeks, Castiel laid around the apartment. He had watched every show that he could think of, though he knew there were many more. Depression, or at least that is what he believed it to be, was taking control of him. He was wasting away. Angels were not meant to be humans. If only he had followed the rules, he would not be in this situation.

            As time went on, things began to get worse and then it happened. He ran out of food. Castiel did not really think about the food that he was eating at the time, never needing food to survive before now. But now it was almost gone and he had very little money to his name. He had two choices, he could be human or he could let himself die. He was not ready to die.

            Though the search was not as easy as he imagined it would be, Castiel finally found a job. He was going to be working as a bartender a few miles from his home. He did not have any experience but he was a quick learner and the owner decided to give him a job. Castiel spent the week before his start date learning all that he could about bartending, making sure that he was ready. Then finally, the day arrived.

            The first night on the job was going smoothly. It was a Tuesday night and it was not busy at all. The owner said that he would have a couple other bartenders work the weekends until Castiel got a little more used to the job. Castiel appreciated that he was allowing him to start slow.

            “Dean,” A girl at a corner table called, waving, the biggest smile plastered across her face. Castiel followed her eyes to the door, his first sighting of Dean.

            Dean walked in like a scene from one of the movies that Castiel had watched. Though time was in fact moving, Dean seemed to be going in slow motion, giving Castiel time to take in every inch of him. From his dirty blond hair, over his leather jacket, all the way down his tight jeans, until his eyes hit the boots that were making their way across the floor.

            It does not take Castiel long to realize that Dean had a way with the ladies. Every lady in the bar seemed to know Dean in some way or another. Castiel could not blame them, though he was not sure what it meant, he could not seem to stop looking at Dean either. If only he were still an angel, then he might be able to see what it is about this Dean that makes him this way.

            That night, Dean was all that Castiel could think about and Wednesday when he returned to work, the only thing Castiel hoped for was for Dean to come back in. As night fell, Castiel’s hopes came to reality when Dean walked in through the door. A few people called his name and told him hi but this time he did not walk over to join them. He made his way up to the bar and took a seat.

            “You’re new here, right?” Dean asked. Castiel took a moment to register that he was the only one behind the bar and that Dean was talking to him.

            “Yes,” Castiel answered very matter-of-fact. “Last night was my first night.”

            “Yeah,” Dean smiled at Castiel and Castiel developed a very illogical feeling to run away. “They needed some new blood in here. I am Dean, by the way.”

            “That is what I hear,” Castiel let out a nervous laugh and put out his hand to shake Dean’s. Dean took his hand in a firm grip, almost too much for Castiel, but he was not going to pull away. “I am Castiel.”

            “Castiel?” Dean repeated his name questioningly. “That is a name you don’t hear every day or ever for that matter.”

            “It was the name of an angel,” Castiel felt a tinge of pain when the words came out. It was no longer the name of an angel though, it was the name of a human.

            “An angel huh?” Dean raised his eyebrows at Castiel. “Sounds like a good choice then.”

            Castiel and Dean talked for the remainder of Castiel’s shift. There were a few times when a girl would come sit by Dean but he would brush them off eventually and get back to whatever conversation him and Castiel were having. As much as he was loving the attention and the new-found friendship, Castiel almost wished that Dean was not talking to him. Castiel did not really have a back story for his life prepared. Hopefully he would remember the slight lies that he had to tell to pass as someone who had been human their entire life.

            “I need to lock up now,” Castiel told Dean as he began to turn everything off. As much as he did not want to tell Dean to get out, he had a job to do and rules to follow. “Thank you for keeping me company.”

            “Anytime angel,” Dean gave Castiel a shit eating grin as he stood up from his barstool and headed for the door. “I will see you around.”

            “I would like that,” Castiel smiled, not sure if that was the most appropriate response, but it felt like the right one for him. And just like that, Dean was gone.

            Castiel closed out the register and began to clean up the place. He then put the money in the safe, locked all the inside doors that needed locked, checked the bathrooms one last time to make sure there were no stragglers and then exited through the back door, locking it behind him.

            “Is that your bike?” Castiel jumped, turning around quickly to see Dean smiling at him through the rain, pointing at his bike. It was not a fancy car or a crappy car for that matter, it was just a bike that his neighbor no longer used and offered it to Castiel to get back and forth to work. It took Castiel a few days to learn how to properly use the thing, but now it was a decent way of getting from one place to the other.

            “Yeah,” Castiel nodded, unhooking the chain and placing it into the bag on the back.

            “Would you and that bike like a ride?” Dean offered, pointing at a truck only a few feet away from them. “It can’t be much fun riding home in this weather.”

            “I would like that a lot,” Dean walked over and grabbed Castiel’s bike and began walking toward the truck. It took Castiel a minute but soon he located his feet and followed. Something about Dean made him nervous, even after getting to know him over the course of the evening. “I don’t live far.”

            “All the better,” Dean smiled. He opened the passenger side door for Castiel and Castiel climbed in, quickly fastened his seat belt. They were constantly showing ads on the television about the importance of wearing your seat belt. Castiel did not want to go against the human way of doing things, even though it was not the most comfortable thing.

            Dean and Castiel drove in silence, which Castiel was grateful for. He was still having trouble with this conversation making, though it seemed to come easy for Dean. Dean had more experience than Castiel had, however. Castiel hoped to catch on quickly, as a bartender, people tend to talk to you often and he is going to need to know how to converse with them.

            “It is these apartments right here,” Castiel pointed to a small apartment complex that was located between two bigger ones. It was nothing fancy. It was small and on the cheaper side, but it worked for Castiel. It had one bedroom, a bathroom, a living room, a kitchen and a back patio. What more did he really need?

            Dean pulled into the apartment complex parking lot and turned off the engine. They sat quietly for a few moments, looking out of the dimly lit building. It was almost three in the morning so there was no one awake, and if there was, they were not making it known to anyone else.

            “Thank you for the ride,” Castiel turned to Dean, breaking the silence. “My bike and I greatly appreciate it.”

            “Any time,” Dean smiled. “Hey, do you think I might be able to use your restroom. Those beers are beginning to hit my bladder.”

            “Of course,” Castiel quickly unbuckled his seat belt and let himself out of the truck. Dean was close behind him, grabbing Castiel’s bike from the back. “Right this way.”

            Castiel lived on the top floor in the corner. He liked his apartment. It was a corner away from the street, so it was quiet most of the time. His downstairs neighbor was a military guy who was hardly ever home. The man next store was elderly and Castiel never really saw him leaving his apartment and he had yet to meet the person below on the other side. So far, everyone really seemed to keep to themselves.

            Castiel unlocked his door and pushed it open. He flicked the light on and suddenly became ashamed. Castiel did not really have much that screamed home. He had a couch, a coffee table, two end tables, a lamp and a television sitting on a tv stand. It was all basic. This pattern kept itself up throughout the house. In the kitchen, he had a small table with two chairs, basic kitchen accessories and random dishes, none of which matched each other. In the bedroom, it was worse. All he had was a queen-sized bed, a dresser and a nightstand with a small lamp and an alarm clock. There was nothing on the walls, nothing that screamed he had ever existed before a month ago.

            “Cozy,” Dean commented when he entered Castiel’s small apartment and Castiel knew he had to be making a joke of some kind.

            “My family did not really believe in personal belongings,” Castiel tried to make up a reason as to why he had nothing of a personal nature. “So, when I finally left home and ended up here, I did not have much. Just the random bits of furniture that I picked up along the way.”

            “It’s cool,” Dean smiled, making his way into the middle of Castiel’s living room. “Better than my place. I mean, I have lots of stuff and so does my brother, who I live with. But we have so much stuff that it’s a real disaster. At least this place looks easy to keep clean.”

            Castiel was not sure if Dean was humoring him or if he truly liked what Castiel had. Castiel decided not to dwell on it. He raised his hand up and began to point down the hall. “First door on the right is the bathroom.”

            “Thanks man,” Dean turned and soon he was gone, leaving Castiel standing alone. He was not sure what he was supposed to do. Normally, he would go into the bathroom, take off his clothes and get into the shower. He couldn’t very well do that now; the bathroom being occupied.

            Castiel took off his jacket, leaning it over the edge of the couch and then kicked off his shoes into the corner. Without having an idea of how to act, he sat down on the couch and waited for things in his house to go back to normal. Dean would be leaving soon and he could get on with his routine.

            Dean made his way back into the living room and stared down at Castiel. He then made his way toward the front door. Castiel got up quickly, wanting to be polite and let him out.

            “Thank you for the ride,” Castiel thanked Dean once again. “It is nice to be dry when I get home for a change.”

            “Like I said,” Dean turned around and smiled at him. “Anytime.”

            Dean stopped moving for the door and just stood there in front of Castiel, looking him over. Castiel wondered if something was out of place or if his zipper was undone. That had happened to him once before on the bus and some lady politely let him know. He had no idea how long he had been like that and was quite embarrassed the rest of the day.

            “What is it about you?” Dean suddenly asked, taking a slight step closer to Castiel.

            “I don’t understand what you mean,” Castiel’s confusion took over once again. Being human was a lot harder than he realized it was going to be.

            Before Castiel could get an answer, Dean was pressed up against him, his lips pressed against his own. Castiel was not sure what to do. He had never been in this situation. He understood what kissing was and the concept behind it but he had never done it himself. He was not sure of the actual method one had to use. So Castiel simply stood there, letting Dean kiss him.

            “Do you want me to stop?” Dean pulled away, a look between nervous and scared on his face.

            Castiel shook his head no. He did not want it to stop, he just wished that he could do it better. For being the angel that got banned from Heaven for loving humans too much, Castiel still had no idea how to be one.

            “Where is your bedroom?” Dean asked Castiel, again confusing him.

            “First door on the left,” Castiel answered.

            Soon Dean’s lips were pressed back against Castiel’s. Castiel paid attention to the movements that Dean was making and worked to mimic them the best that he could. He pressed back against Dean’s mouth, not too hard though, since there was already quite a bit of pressure. He then began to move his hands up to rest on Dean’s sides. It was the easiest place to reach, Dean’s hands reaching back behind Castiel’s head to hold them together.

            Soon they were moving. Castiel was nervous that he was going to run into something with them walking backwards, but Dean led them safely into the room and pushed Castiel down onto the bed. Dean looked down at him for a moment and then removed his shirt. Castiel was even more nervous now, was he going to have to remove his shirt as well?

            Dean moved onto the bed and straddled himself over Castiel’s hips, holding him to the bed. Their lips met again shortly thereafter and everything seemed to disappear. All Castiel could focus on was Dean kissing his lips, his cheeks, his neck. There were small sounds escaping as mouth that Castiel had never heard or made before but now they came out so simply.

            Dean reached down between them and began to tug at Castiel’s shirt. Though he had been nervous about taking it off before, he welcomed the idea now, lifting himself up to help Dean remove it and then watched as it was tossed to the floor.

            “Dean,” Castiel called out and Dean stopped, waiting to hear what Castiel was going to say but all he could do was throw his head back against the pillow. Dean took that as a good sign and moved back over Castiel, sucking his bottom lip up into his mouth. Castiel groaned at the feeling and the slight pain that came from Dean biting down on his lip.

            Dean let go of Castiel’s lip and began to kiss down Castiel’s neck and down to his chest. Dean took a nipple into his mouth, licking over it and slightly grazing it with his teeth before moving over to the other and repeating the process. Castiel moaned out in pleasure, his hand reaching over and running through Dean’s hair, a motion he was unable to control, but again, it felt right.

            Dean teased over Castiel’s nipples for a while before working the kisses down to his abdomen. He licked circles and bit at the skin around his navel before kissing down and along the line of Castiel’s pants. How far was this going to go? Would there be a point at which Castiel would stop whatever was happening?

            Dean continued to kiss at Castiel’s stomach as he reached up and unbuttoned his jeans. With a quickly motion, Dean had Castiel’s pants and boxers down around his ankles and soon they were right along with his shirt on the floor. He was completely naked and in front of Dean, a man he had barely knew but felt like he had known forever.

            “Have you ever been with a man before?” Dean looked up at Castiel as he kissed along his hip bones, slightly nibbling at the skin.

“Never been with anyone,” Castiel admitted, though he was sure that was something he should have kept to himself.

            “At all,” Dean stopped what he was doing, though Castiel’s hard cock was teasing him.

            “No one,” Castiel admitted again, looking down at Dean, fearing that he had just ended whatever was about to happen.

            So,” Dean kissed at his stomach again and then ran his nose up the length of Castiel’s cock, causing it to twitch. “Then no one has sucked your cock before?”

            “Never,” Castiel groaned at the pain. He was so hard that it was beginning to hurt. He wanted to reach down and grab it but he knew that was not the best option for him.

            “Well hold on then,” Dean winked up at Castiel and slipped the tip of Castiel’s cock into his mouth. His mouth was warm and wet and the greatest thing that Castiel had ever felt, as both a human and as an angel. There were no words that could describe what he was currently feeling.

            Dean worked slowly up and down Castiel’s cock until he had the entire thing in his mouth. As Castiel’s cock hit the back of Dean’s throat, Castiel cried out, gripping the bedspread between his fingers. Dean moaned around Castiel’s cock at the sight of his reaction and began to speed up. Taking all Castiel’s cock into his mouth and then pulling back up to suck on just the tip. Castiel arched his back against this movements and thrust his hips up against Dean’s mouth, the pleasure becoming too much for him.

            “Dean,” Castiel cried out loudly, his eyes fluttering open wide and his grip on the bed becoming so tight that his knuckles were turning white. “Dean.”

            Dean knew what this meant and refused to pull back. Instead, he grabbed a hold of Castiel’s hips and held him down tightly to the bed as he sucked Castiel into his very first orgasm. Castiel screamed, which worried Dean a little because of what the neighbors might think but that did not stop him from swallowing every drop that Castiel shot down the back of his throat.

            Soon it went quiet and Dean loosened his grip and pulled away from Castiel’s cock, making a slight pop noise when his mouth disconnected from it. “How was that for your first time, angel?”

            Castiel could not speak, his mind was racing and his body felt like it was on fire but a good fire, not one you struggled to get away from. He wanted more but he knew from the way his body felt that he would not be able to handle much more of anything.

            “Thank you,” Castiel finally spoke, the only words that could form in his brain. Dean laughed at him and climbed over his body, pressing his lips once again to Castiel’s mouth. Dean’s lips were warm and salty and Castiel could not help but run his tongue over them. This caused Dean to moan.

            “Welcome,” Dean laughed, rolling over onto the bed beside Castiel.

            Dean ran his fingers over Castiel’s arm as he watched him recover. He had never seen anyone react that way to an orgasm, but it was the man’s first time having on and it was different for everyone the first time. Dean cussed a lot the first time he had an orgasm from someone sucking on his cock.

            “I am going to go clean up a little,” Dean kissed Castiel again and got up from the bed, grabbing his shirt off from the floor and pulling it over his head. He then made his way out of the bedroom and shut the door behind him.

            Castiel laid there for a few minutes, trying to wrap his mind around what had just happened and waiting for Dean to return. But he didn’t. After a little time passed and Castiel was able to regain control of his legs, he went to check and make sure that Dean was okay. But he was gone. The bathroom, kitchen and living room were all empty. He had just left.

            Castiel suddenly lost the good feelings that were rushing through his body and the depressing he had felt the week before sank back over him. He had done something wrong.


	2. Forgiveness is Complicating

Castiel had Friday and Saturday off, so he did not have the chance to go back into the bar and run into Dean. Part of him thought about quitting. He would be able to find another job and the tips he had made from the week would be enough to put some food in the house for a while. Quitting would be much easier than having to face the situation that had occurred only days ago.

            As much as he contemplated quitting, he had owed the owner more than that. He had given Castiel a job out of kindness, even though Castiel knew nothing about working at a bar or working at all for that matter. He would just avoid making any kind of contact with Dean if he came in. It was the only thing he could do.

            Sunday night was Castiel’s first night back and luckily for him, Dean did not stop in. Dean did not stop in on Monday either and Castiel really began to believe that he had done something wrong, but he had no idea what it was and that was the part that was bothering him.

            Castiel closed the bar again, this too becoming another routine in his life that he would follow. He was not sure how people did not get sick of routines. Doing the same thing every day seemed like a punishment that one would be given in hell. That is what this was though. For an angel, being human was hell.

            “Hey,” Castiel heard a familiar voice behind him and his body completely froze. He tried not to turn around but his legs did not seem to obey the commands that his brain was sending. No more than three feet away from Castiel stood Dean. Dean had his hands in his pocket and looked nervous. All Castiel could feel though was anger. He was angry at Dean.

            “Good night, Dean,” Castiel turned back to his bike and unlocked the wheel. He was not wanting to do this. Avoiding Dean would have been easy but talking to him was far from it.

            “Can I give you a ride?” Dean offered again, making Castiel laugh to himself. Castiel should have known what kind of guy Dean was the first night he walked into the bar but he refused to listen to the instinct to run. His gut had not told him to run because he was nervous, it told him to run because it knew that Dean was going to do nothing more than hurt him.

            “No,” Castiel’s words came out harsher than he had intended for them to but he was not going to take it back. He was angry and Dean needed to know that he was angry. Dean also needed to realize that he was lucky. If Castiel was still an angel, there would be nothing to stop him from smiting Dean then and there, but he would never know how lucky he truly was.

            “Look, I am sorry,” Dean began to apologize and Castiel laughed again.

            “Sorry,” Castiel repeated the word to himself a little louder than Dean had said it. “You are sorry? I let some strange man into my home and I…”

            Castiel’s voice trailed off. He had given Dean something that was important to a lot of humans. He had let Dean be the first person to do many things that Castiel had not yet experienced and Dean just let that all go to shit by leaving him there, naked and alone.

            “Look, Cas,” Dean tried to explain but his words would not come out.

            “Look what?” Castiel yelled again, not realizing just how angry he had been. “You are sorry for taking advantage of me and then just leaving me there? Is that what you want to say to me?”

            “Yeah,” Dean nodded, pulling his hands from his pockets and stepping closer to Castiel. “I am very sorry. I just got scared.”

            “Scared of what?” Castiel lowered his voice, concern creeping in. What had happened that night that made Dean run away? What had scared him?

            “I don’t really know,” Dean shook his head, looking around so that he did not have to make eye contact with Castiel. “I just got scared okay and I am sorry.”

            Castiel did not know what to say. His anger was subsiding and all the things he had saved up to say had been born in that anger. None of them really seemed valid now. “Look. I need to go home.”

            “Let me drive you please,” Dean begged, clasping his fingers together. “Can I take you home and we can talk. I promise you I won’t leave again, not like that.”

            Castiel gave in to Dean and soon they were back at his apartment. Castiel knew that this was stupid and Dean was just going to hurt him again but he could not seem to let Dean go. Even though part of him was still angry, he wanted Dean to be near him.

            “I need to take a shower,” Castiel informed Dean after they had been talking on the couch for a while. They did not discuss what had happened the other night, just made awkward small talk and Castiel was getting tired and he smelled like alcohol.

            “Can I join you?’ Dean asked, raising his eyebrow in Castiel’s direction. Castiel wanted to say no, he needed to say no.

            “I would like that,” Castiel responded, failing his brain once again as it tried to warn him of the situation. He wanted Dean to go home. No, that was not the truth. He wanted Dean in his bed, just like he had been the other night. What he needed was for Dean to go home.

            Dean stood up and reached his hand down for Castiel to take. Reluctant at first, Castiel slipped his fingers through Dean’s and allowed Dean to help him to his feet. Dean led them into the bathroom and turned on the water and then turned back to Castiel. There were no words between them, just the both of them helping the other out of their clothes until they were both naked and the room was full of steam.

            Castiel climbed in behind Dean and let out a sigh at the hot water beat down against his skin. He pushed up against Dean, both working to be under the water at the same time. Dean’s mouth quickly found Castiel’s and he wrapped his arms around him, holding him warmly in place. Castiel allowed himself to explore a little more than he had before, running his tongue along Dean’s lip, which Dean sucked into his mouth, rolling his own tongue against it.

            Castiel’s hands clung to Dean’s sides, holding him as close to himself as he could possibly get. He did not want to let go for fear that if he did, Dean would disappear once again and leave Castiel broken, alone and naked in the shower this time.

            Dean’s hands began to wonder down the side of Castiel’s body and stopped when his hand rested, cupped over Castiel’s hard cock. Dean’s cock was hard as well, Castiel could feel it digging into his side and mimicking Dean, he reached out and wrapped his fingers around it. Dean moaned at the touch and Castiel felt himself get that much more excited. He had not had the chance last time to enjoy Dean’s body and it felt amazing.

            Dean began to stroke his hand up and down the length of Castiel’s cock and Castiel played good boy and followed along, doing exactly what Dean was showing him how to do. He was certainly doing it right, judging by the moans that were escaping from Dean’s mouth. He liked pleasuring Dean, even more than he liked Dean pleasuring him.

            “I want to try something,” Dean smiled down at Castiel, taking his mouth against his own once again.

            Dean pushed Castiel up against the wall, a small gasp leaving his mouth as his back pressed against the cold surface. Soon it warmed along with his body and he relaxed again. Dean then pushed his body against Castiel, their cocks pressed side by side together.

            “Take your hand and place it on this side of my cock,” Dean instructed Castiel and he followed, laying his hand over the side of Dean’s cock as Dean laid his hand over the side of Castiel’s cock, their hands slightly locking together around both of them.

            Dean began to move his hand back and forth and Castiel quickly caught on, stroking their cocks together under the hotness of the water. Their motions were slow at first, getting a good feeling on how this was going to work out but the better it began to feel the quicker they were stroking along with the other. Both of them were moaning and panting, kissing at each other’s lips and faces and necks.

            “Oh Dean,” Castiel cried out, coming at the feel of Dean’s cock. Watching the look in Castiel’s eyes as he came was enough to throw Dean over the edge and he came hard, everything he had in him shooting against Castiel’s milky white skin.

            Dean leaned against Castiel, his arms pressed up against the side of the shower on either side of Castiel’s head. He kissed Castiel hard, sticking his tongue into Castiel’s mouth and rolling it around. Castiel moaned against the feeling, never wanting to move from this spot.

            They kissed until the water began to turn cold against their skin, forcing them to quickly exit the shower. Dean grabbed a towel from the counter and began to dry Castiel off before Drying himself off. Castiel was smiling, unable to control his happiness. Maybe he had not done anything wrong this time so Dean would not leave him.

            “I am sorry that I left you,” Dean apologized, almost as if he was reading Castiel’s mind. “I would really like to stay this time, if that is okay with you?”

            “I would like that Dean,” Castiel took initiative and leaned up to kiss Dean softly before leading Dean into his room.

            Dean, though nervous, crawled naked under the covers with Castiel and wrapped his arms around him. Castiel laid his head on Dean’s chest, his breathing shallow and Dean ran his hands through his hair until he was sure the other man was asleep. He was not sure what he was getting himself into.

            Castiel woke happily the next morning, stretching his body out across the bed. It was then that he realized his bed was empty once again. Castiel frowned, realizing that Dean had taken off but soon found a note on the coffee table.

            _Had to get to work, didn’t want to wake you. I hope you have a great day. Dean._

            He didn’t leave. Well he did, but this time he had a reason. And Castiel was happy again.


	3. That Is Not What I Mean

            Two weeks. Castiel could not believe just how stupid he was. He had to be the stupidest human to walk the planet. Sure, he was new to the whole thing but that really was no excuse. But two weeks. Dean comes into his life and gives him what humans refer to as a blow job and then after screwing him over, Castiel forgave him. Then Castiel lets his guard down and messes around with him again, trusting it to be different but no. Two weeks. He could not believe that he had fallen for these humans.

            It took Castiel a while to get back into the flow of things. Hearts were a crazy device to have in one’s possession. But Castiel quickly took control of himself and found that life was not as bad as he was making it out to be. Castiel even found himself with a date. He was starting to become friends with their meat vendor when suddenly he found himself asking her out on a date. He did not expect for her to say yes but now he had a date for the weekend. He was going to be able to do this human thing after all.

            “Hey,” Castiel felt his entire body stiffen. He had decided that things were going to be good too soon.

            Castiel did not want to turn around, certain of who was going to be standing at his bar. He had just gotten over Dean. Maybe it wasn’t Dean, just some man who sounded just like him. People sounded like people all the time. There was no way that the voice that Castiel played in his head over and over for a week was really the voice that was standing behind him. It was not Dean behind him, it was just some guy who wanted to order a beer. He could get some guy a beer.

            Castiel slowly turned himself of the balls of his feet, only to be slapped in the face by the truth. Dean was standing on the other side of the bar, leaning against it, a smile plastered across his face. Castiel wanted to lunge at him and do what humans would call ‘beat his ass,’ but Castiel had more class than that. Sure, he worked in a slightly trashy biker bar, but he still could have class.

            “You should leave,” Castiel found himself saying immediately.

            “I am not allowed in the bar now?” Dean questioned, raising his arms up to motion around the bar.

            “You are,” Castiel gave him permission, to a degree. “Just not when I am here. Any other time, you are more than welcome in this establishment.”

            “Don’t be like that Cas,” Dean leaned onto the counter again, bringing his voice down almost to a whisper. “Just let me explain.”

            “No,” Castiel shook his head. “I am working. I just need you to leave.”

            “Okay,” Dean nodded, a frown taking over his face. For a moment this made Castiel sad but it was not his job to make Dean happy. “Later, Cas.”

            Dean pushed himself away from the counter and make his way outside. Castiel let out the air that he had been holding inside of him and it almost hurt. Why had Dean come back? Did he like making Castiel feel like his body was breaking in places that should not break? He could not care for Castiel in the slightest.

            “Shots,” a group of drunk college looking kids yelled from across the bad, pulling Castiel out of his thoughts. Shots, he could go for some shots.

            “Coming up,” he yelled back at them and they cheered.

            Castiel jumped back into working, taking extra time to clean up the place. Most of the time he would chat with customers or sometimes even shoot a game of pool with them when it was slow. But today he could not think. He needed to do all that he could to keep his mind busy and off Dean, which was easier said than done.

            “Last call,” Castiel told the one customer who was left in the bar at 1:30am, though he had been done drinking a while ago and was just playing lottery.

            “I get it,” the man laughed, “I will see you tomorrow.”

            “Goodnight,” Castiel forced a smile at the man.

            “Night,” and he was gone. Castiel was alone, the bar was clean and ready to be closed and all Castiel could do was think about Dean. He really hated Dean. Or, at least, he wished he hated Dean.

            “Hey,” Castiel’s entire body went tense as he completely locked up the backdoor of the bar. How he had not figured this was going to happen was beyond him. Of course Dean was going to wait for him outside the bar. Accosting him in alleyways was Dean’s thing.

            “Please leave me alone,” Castiel all but begged.

            “I just need to talk to you,” Dean pushed his hands into the pockets of his jacket. “I need to explain what happened.”

            “I don’t want an explanation.” Castiel turned, anger filling him to the brim. “I am sick and tired of humans and their excuses. I did not fall to be someone’s play thing. You, Dean, are the worst possible human I could have ever encountered. How I thought all of you were beautiful creations of God is beyond me. You are ugly, Dean. Maybe not on the outside with your smile and great hair and amazing body but inside. Inside, you are ugly Dean and completely not worth what I fell for. So, leave me alone. Please?”

            “Okay,” Dean pulled his hands out of his pockets and threw them up in defense. “I will leave you alone. Have a good life, Cas.”

            “Castiel,” Castiel corrected him.

            “What?” Dean questioned.

            “My name is Castiel,” he straightened himself up.

            “Okay,” Dean nodded. “Have a good life, Castiel.”

            “You as well,” Castiel composed himself, though on the inside he was still screaming. “Dean.”

            And then Dean was gone.

 

_____

            “I had a great time tonight,” Sarah smiled over at Castiel, who was sitting in the passenger seat of her car.

            He had been embarrassed that he could not pick her up for their date. It was hard to take someone out on your bicycle, but she said she understood and had no problem driving them. Castiel could tell that she meant it and he completely paid for all of the date, but still, he wished that he had learned how to drive. That was his next goal. He would learn how to drive so that he could take her out on a proper date.

            “I had a great time as well,” Castiel nodded, smiling over at her.

            He really did have a good time with her. She was funny and smart and nothing like Dean. She did not seem like the type who would just walk out on him, at least not without an explanation. If Dean had said to him right away that he was not looking for anything, he should have said. Staying over and then disappearing was no way to treat someone. Shit, here he was thinking about Dean again. He was on an amazing date and Dean was ruining it without even being there.

            “So,” Sarah leaned back against her seat, looking up at Castiel’s apartment complex.

            “Uh, would you,” Castiel unbuckled himself. “Would you like to come up for some coffee or wine, I have wine.”

            “Wine would be nice,” Sarah nodded, unbuckling herself as well.

            “Good,” Castiel got out of the car and ran around to help her out. He may not have driven but he can make as many good gestures as he could. He had seen enough romance movies lately to know what little things he needed to do.

            Castiel offered her his arm and she happily took it, looping them together. They made small talk about the apartment as they stepped into the elevator and made their way to his flood. Castiel had gotten good at small talk. That is what happens when you are a bartender. You learn just how much you must say to keep a person engaged.

            Was that all he was doing? Was he just saying enough to keep her engaged because he knew how?

            “Ladies first,” Castiel smiled and motioned for her to step off of the elevator first.

            “Thank you,” She smiled back. No, of course he was not just doing all of this for her sake. He was interested in her. He wanted her to be interested in him because he was interested in her. He …

            “Dean?” Castiel took a step back as soon as he entered the hallway of his floor.

            Dean was leaned up against his front door, eyes closed. If Castiel had not worked at a bar he would not have been the wiser but he did and he could tell without a second look that Dean was drunk. He could almost smell the alcohol from where he was standing and it was a good twenty feet at least.

            No. Dean was not going to ruin Castiel’s evening. He was not going to ruin him having a normal life.

            “Cas,” Dean’s eyes flutter open and he brings himself to his feet. He quickly realizes though that his feet are attached to a drunk body and grabs the wall to stabilize himself. “You are home.”

            “I am,” Castiel confirmed. “But you shouldn’t be here. You need to leave Dean.”

            “Not until you talk to me,” Dean dropped down to his knees in front of Castiel, completely ignoring that Castiel had someone with him. “Please just let me talk to you. I need to explain what happened. Please? Just … please?”

            “No,” Castiel tried to be firm but he could hear his voice cracking. Stupid human emotions. “You need to leave. Please, Dean, just leave.”

            “I will,” Dean promised. “Once you hear me out. Just hear me out Cas.”

            “I should go,” Sarah ran her hand down Castiel’s arm. “I had a great time but I need to go.”

            “You don’t have to,” Castiel did not want her to feel like he was picking Dean over her. “He is leaving. You should stay.”

            “No,” Sarah shook her head. “I need to go. But call me. Okay?”

            “I will,” Castiel turned and walked her back toward the elevator. “I promise.”

            Then she was gone and it was just him and Dean.

            “Inside,” Castiel quickly made his way to the door and swung it open. “I don’t need my neighbors seeing you in all your drunken glory.”

            “Yeah,” Dean agreed, bringing himself back up to his feet and stumbled through the door. “I’m sorry about this man. This is not how I pictured us talking.”

            “Me either,” Castiel agreed. “Considering I did not picture us talking at all. Ever.”

            “Don’t be like that, Cas,” Dean leaned against the door as soon as Castiel closed it.

            “Castiel,” Castiel corrected.

            “Right,” Dean nodded in agreement. “Castiel.”

            “Talk,” Castiel took off his jacket and hung it up. “You wanted to talk so badly, now is your chance. Make it good.”

            “I’m not gay,” Dean blurted out, knocking the wind out of Castiel for a moment.

            “Neither am I,” Castiel shook his head. Dean was going to turn this into how he couldn’t stick around because he isn’t gay and sleeping with some guy is disgusting?

            “Never once in my entire life have a I ever been attracted to a man,” Dean continued on, seeming to ignore Castiel’s statement. “And then you show up and suddenly…”   

            “Suddenly what?” Castiel asked after a few minutes had passed by.

            “Suddenly all I can think about is you,” Dean moved away from the door and stopped only inches in front of Castiel. “I left the first night and I told myself it was a one-time thing. Then I find myself back at the bar apologizing. I never apologize to anyone.”

            “How does that not surprise me?” Castiel shook his head with a laugh. Why was he not angrier?

            “Thing is, I apologized and I meant it. Then it happened again, we happened again and I freaked out.” Dean continued talking, his words becoming more clear. Maybe he was sobering up. “You know what freaked me out the most?”

            “What is that?” Castiel indulged him.

            “That I didn’t want to leave,” Dean smiled slightly but then it faded away. “I woke up with you asleep by my side and I did not want to leave.”

            “Why would that freak you out?” Castiel wondered aloud.

            “Because I am not gay,” Dean said the words again, as if they were the answer to everything that had happened between us.

            “Are you done?” Castiel had heard enough.

            “No,” Dean shook his head. “I didn’t want to leave you but I did. I didn’t just leave your house, I left the god-damned state.”

            “You what?” Castiel finally moved himself away from Dean. He was getting too close and Castiel was losing his ability to not touch him.

            “I took a job out of state,” Dean informed him. “I normally don’t do that. But the call came and I jumped right on it. I told myself a little distance would fix whatever this was.”

            “We are a problem you needed to fix?” Castiel questioned. He was new to humans still and none of this was making any sense.

            “Yeah,” Dean ran his fingers through his hair and stumbled backwards, catching himself on the table by the door. “But even state lines couldn’t fix this.”

            “I think you need to sleep this off,” Castiel suggested. “You are not making any sense right now.”

            “Maybe you are right,” Dean nodded in agreement, slowly making his way passed Castiel.

            “Where are you going?” Castiel asked as he began to follow Dean.

            “To sleep it off,” Dean answered, walking into Castiel’s room and falling onto the bed.

            “Dean,” Castiel went to argue with him but could tell from the snores that were coming from Dean that he was already asleep. “I didn’t mean here.”

            Castiel decided not to wake Dean up. He would just go to sleep on the couch and wake up to him gone in the morning. If there was one thing that Dean was good at, it was being gone in the morning.


End file.
